A comedian admits he has no patience as a dad, shaped by his own father.
Obedience is not enough, he wants his versionHe gets mad when kids do exactly what he says but not how he pictured it.
Dads babysit by listening, not watchingHe says every man in the room sits on the couch and just listens for shit.
His father's parenting still sets the standardThe pool, the knockout and the peppermints all explain the parent he became.
Executive SummaryAI
The comedian opens by admitting that parenting demands patience he does not have, and that what really angers him is when his kids obey him but not in the exact way he pictured it.
He recounts two blow-ups with his children: his son pretending to sleep standing up after being sent to bed, and a full argument with his barely-speaking daughter over juice, where he insists he could tell from her hand movements exactly what she was saying back to him.
At Chuck E. Cheese he got into what he calls an altercation with another kid over balls thrown at his daughter's head, and ended up angriest at his wife for dressing the family in different colors, ordering solid colors from then on.
He describes making his seven-year-old son take the trash out alone in the dark, telling him it was his own journey, then shutting the door on him when the boy came sprinting back from something the father could not see.
The set closes on his own father: being thrown into seven feet of water at age 13 when he could not swim, watching his dad get knocked out and call the other man an octopus, and his dad now feeding the grandkids half-sucked peppermints from his pocket.
Key Quote
“I'm not gonna lie, I don't have a lot of patience.”
— Kevin
Key Quote
“Do it the way I saw you do it when I told you to do it.”
— Kevin
Key Quote
“You don't sleep standing up. Wake your damn ass up.”