Executive Summary
AI
- On Se Regalan Dudas's community-audio Thursday, an anonymous listener who got back with her ex after seven years of long-distance on-and-off dating asks whether it is healthy that he wants to go to a concert alone with his ex-partner, which she sees as a limit.0:36
- The first host answers that there is no recipe: context matters, such as who the ex is, how the relationship ended and whether they share a group of friends.2:30
- Both hosts agree that a one-on-one concert, like going to Bad Bunny alone with an ex while both have partners, feels weird, and that the listener already knows her limit and should say it openly.5:40
- One host shares her golden rule of the last 10 years, not doing anything she would not want done to her, and stresses communication and negotiating what is and is not negotiable.8:06
- The hosts debate where consideration for a partner's insecurity ends and control begins, concluding it is a bit of both: work on insecurities in therapy while partners show consideration for each other's hearts.17:01
Brief overview
There is no universal rule for exes; set limits through honest communication and mutual consideration.
Context decides what is acceptable with an exWho the ex is, how it ended and shared friends all change the answer.
A one-on-one date with an ex crosses many limitsBoth hosts say going alone to a concert with an ex while partnered seems weird.
Balance your own insecurity work with partner considerationWork insecurities out in therapy, but partners should still consider each other's pain.
Questions this recording answers
6 questions, each answered where it is said
Is it okay for my partner to go to a concert alone with an ex?
Both hosts say they would not like their partner going alone to a concert with an ex, and would not do it themselves while partnered. A catch-up about family is different, but a plan like going to Bad Bunny's concert together to have fun while both have partners seems weird to them.
Answered around 3:49Is there a rule for how much contact to keep with exes?
No. The host says there is no recipe or formula: context matters, including who the ex is, how the relationship ended, how long ago, how they get along now, whether the ex has a new partner, and whether they share the same group of friends.
Answered around 2:30How should I set limits about exes with my partner?
The hosts say the listener already knows her limit and should say it openly, since keeping discomfort to yourself only makes it grow. She can say she has no problem with him keeping contact with exes, but asks why she cannot come to a one-on-one plan like a concert.
Answered around 5:54What golden rule do the hosts follow in relationships?
One host says her only rule in her relationships for the last 10 years is not to do anything she would not like done to her. She would not want her partner at a concert alone with an ex, but would not mind a group outing where his ex is present.
Answered around 7:32Where is the line between my partner's insecurity and being controlling?
The hosts do not have a clear answer. One says it depends on how and why the request is made; another concludes it is a bit of both: whoever feels jealous should work on it in therapy, but should communicate it, and the partner must take that insecurity into consideration.
Answered around 17:01How can I send my own question to the show?
Listeners can send a story, gossip, question, anecdote, reflection, song or anything else anonymously through the show's website mailbox. The hosts distort every voice, so the audios are never heard exactly as they arrive, and one is played and discussed on a following Thursday episode.
Answered around 0:11
Key Quote
“is that there is no recipe or formula like the one she is looking for.”
— Host2:30
Key Quote
“there is no rule, the context is very important.”
— Host2:54
Key Quote
“And that's when communication is important.”
— Host8:27